


It Has to Look Good

by TimmyJaybird



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-16
Updated: 2014-01-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 22:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1138141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/pseuds/TimmyJaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Joker holds up some wealthy Gotham socialites for their jewels, and Batman shows up for a little twist to the evening.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Has to Look Good

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AshToSilver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshToSilver/gifts).



High pitched laughter filled the room as the Joker stared down from the table he had climbed up onto. He had a glass of wine in one hand, swirling it around and surveying the scene. The restaurant was filled with the rich, the politically powerful- after all, it was late in the middle of the week, and they had such _hard_ lives that they needed to blow off their steam.

“It’s easy, folks,” he said, “All you do is take off the shinnies, those cute little pieces of rock and metal, and drop ‘em in this bad.” He gestured with the gun in his other hand to a sack one of his thugs was holding out, “Along with anything else of value. You do that, and I leave without killing any of you. Probably.”

The thug began to make his rounds the sweet _clink_ of metal on metal filling the Joker’s ears. He took a long drink of the wine, before he tossed the cup to the ground and it smashed, spilling the deep red all over the floor. A few people jumped, and he laughed.

“Batman will stop you!” One woman yelled out. He jerked his head towards her, before jumping off the table. His heels crunched over broken glass as he walked over, straightening his hair. When he got to her table he reached out, pressing his gun to her cheek, traced it along her jawline.

“Batman?” he asked, starting to giggle. “BattyBatman?” The giggles erupted into pure laughter, and he doubled over, holding his sides until the fit subsided. The woman was looking at him with wide eyes as he straightened back up. “Bats won’t do a damn thing to stop me,” he purred, pressing the gun to her neck, trailing it down to her necklace. He stopped, eyed it- a large, pretty red ruby in a tangle of thin white gold and amethysts. Stunning, really. “My my my, you have taste, darling. Off with it, now.” He eased his gun down, pressed it between the swell of her cleavage, “or I blow your silicon brains all over this expensive dress of yours.”

She frowned. “No, this was expensive!”

“I’m sure daddy can buy you a new one.” She stood up suddenly, glaring.

“You can’t talk to me like that! No one talks to me like that!” She looked flustered, but the Joker was just laughing. He opened his mouth to speak, when he heard a thud. He spun on his heel, saw one of his thugs sprawled on the ground, a caped figure standing up from landing square on him. He grinned, outstretched his arms.

“Batsy!” he called, “good of you to show up!” Batman glared at him, charged with his shoulder down, and knocked him into a table. The woman had jumped out of the way, screaming, and the Joker just wanted to shove a fist down her throat to silence her. Those thoughts shattered as the table bit into his side, knocked the wind out of him. He placed a kick to Batman’s stomach, sent him spiraling back, directly into one of his thugs, knocking him down. Another was charging over, and Batman turned his attention to him. The Joker had his moment, but he was too busy admiring that well suited body as it moved. His thugs turned their attention from the hostage to Batman, and people began running for the door. The Joker let them, waltzed over, whistling, to one of his fallen thugs and reaching down, picking up the hefty sack now filled with their jewelry.

She didn’t run out the front door, too afraid to push past the Joker. Who was he to think he could push her around? Her father could buy half of Gotham if he wanted to with just his loose change, he had no right to talk to her that way!

Holding onto her dress with one hand, she shoved through the kitchen and out into the back. She walked around the building, frowning, muttering to herself that she’d see him dead. She’d see him put in the chair- hell, if she could bring back hanging, it’d happen. How _dare_ he insinuate that her breasts were fake- she had paid enough for them that he shouldn’t be able to tell-

She stopped when she heard a rustle, froze. She looked around her, saw only darkness, and sighed, reaching up to fiddle with her necklace. It was the latest fashion, she couldn’t let it go. It’d take a good week to get a replacement, and she had a party tomorrow night to go to, had to look good, be at the top of fashion-

Out of the darkness a fist suddenly appeared, met with her face. Her head jerked back and she fell to the ground, limp and unconscious. Batman pulled his cape tighter around him and crouched down, unclasping her necklace and pulling it form her neck just as the Joker rounded the corner, a skip to his step.

“Aw _baby_ , I was hoping you’d let me do her!” He stepped over the girl’s body as Batman stood up, holding the necklace rather gingerly in his hand.

“I told you I wanted her,” he said, cracking a grin. “That kick hurt, you know.”

“Had to make it look good.” The Joker leaned in, threw an arm around Batman’s shoulders. “Mmm, so, gonna put that on me?”

“It’ll look like shit with your tie.” The Joker rolled his eyes and reached up, loosening his tie and pulling it off. He unbuttoned the first few buttons, until part of his pale chest peeked out, and Batman just smirked and leaned forward, settling the necklace on his collarbone ans clasping it under his wild curls. The Joker reached done and ran his fingers over it, smirking.

“She has nice taste.”

“She’d buy anything if it was deemed in fashion,” Batman said with a roll of his eyes. “Daddy is loaded, lets her do whatever she wants.”

“You run with a nasty crowd,” the Joker said, crouching down and tying his tie loosely around her neck, a little _fuck you_ to wake up to. “I can see why you wanted to punch her, why you tipped me off to this place.” He stood back up, leaned in and placed a kiss to his nose. “So what next Brucie darling? Rob a bank? Blow up a hospital?”

“How about we call it a night. Your _fake_ fighting is pretty real. As is your thugs’.”

“Shucks, I was hoping you might off them for me. They’re getting boring.” Bruce threw an arm around him and kissed his curls.

“I’ll buy you new ones,” he teased, “If you hurry, you can go back in and do the honors yourself.” The Joker clasped his hands together excitedly.

“Oh baby, you know the way to my heart! Will you watch?”

“Would I ever not?” he asked as they made their way back towards the back entrance, the restaurant being deserted now. They still had a few minutes before the cops would show up.

“And after we blow up a hospital?” Bruce shook his head, and the Joker sighed. “Well, can we at least steal some candy from one of your birdbabies? Stealing candy from a baby is at least a starting point for your bad boy streak.” Bruce chuckled as they walked in and the Joker eyed the bodies on the ground. “Come to think of it baby, ever think you have a kid collecting problem? You’ve gotten quite a few over the years-“

“Oh shut up and just kill them,” Bruce said with a sigh, and the Joker pulled a knife form his jacket and lifted one thug’s head, giggling and looking at Bruce lovingly as the knife parted his flesh like butter.

**Author's Note:**

> AlexTuesday requested an evil!Batman fic on my tumblr, and I ended up with...this. This attempt at a bit of humor, and a not quite evil Bruce but getting there. I don't even have an explanation as to why he's evil XD But I wouldn't mind writing a fall from grace Batsy fic someday now!


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